- Cop: Have you been drinking?
- Me: I been drankin'
- Cop: Surfbort
- Me: Surfbort
Wait, wait, wait, I have an amazing new idea. How about we fix the American school system.
why do americans call it a porch i mean verandah makes so much more sense
it’s a type of bird
ah yes the first pokemon battle of the game
tackle tackle tackle tackle tackle
"Enemy Bulbasaur used Growl"
"HA, YES, YOU FOOL, YOU HAVE FALLEN RIGHT INTO MY TRAP, FOR NOW I SHALL DEAL AN EXTRA TURN OF DAMAGE MORE THAN YOU”
did you hear about the italian chef who died?
he pasta way
he just ran out of thyme
here today, gone tomato
his wife is still upset, cheese still not over it
we never sausage a tragedy coming
ashes to ashes, crust to crust
there’s just not mushroom for italian chefs in today’s world
i am so fucking pissed off i don want to live in this house anymore. My mum has a go at me like every single fucking day and threatens to kick me out all the fucking time and my sister is a stupid shit stirring litte shit who doesnt do anything but be a nasty little shit and I am just so angry and I need to move out asap cause i cant take it anymore.
Strawberry - I’m in love with you.
Cherry - I love you.
Watermelon - I think you’re cute.
Blueberry - You’re amazing.
Kiwi- You’re pretty
Rasberry - You’re hot.
Plum - I would fuck you.
Paopu Fruit - I would date you.
Grapes - I could stay on your blog for hours.
Lemon - You are my tumblr crush.
Orange - I want to get to know you.
Tangerine - We have a lot in common.
Lemon - I wish you would notice me.
Lime - I don’t talk to you but I really love your blog.
I hate it when netflix pauses and asks me if im still watching like yeah you actually think i got up and started doing something with my life bitch put my show back on